surname

well, It's been a while again.
though it's completely relevant to this blog I didn't mention the big painting I was working on was for a small group show at good bro, short film contributor, and huge fucking help joey's house.
I slightly regret not really inviting anyone, but I figured 50% of the people there would just be there for a party. It was a good experience though. I'll be glad to do another one when the chance arrives. overall I got the response I'd hoped for. There were talks of potential sales (I'm told) but I've hardly titled, let alone priced anything I brought with me. So next time.
Considering how almost superfluously personal it is to paint your stream of consciousness I wasn't nervous for anyone to see it. I've seen and read and thought the text so many times I forget it can come across as almost personally offensive.
there's something of a review here with a snippet about one of my pieces 3.5 paragraphs after the photo.
haha, but I plan on phasing out the text gradually
in bigger pieces anyway.
maybe work on some subjects more subtle
I don't know. But after a droning day at work, I feel motivated to keep painting. I can't look forward to dreading every fucking monday for the rest of my life
It's not only repetitive, but an accumulative hate. the more I actually spend time doing the things I love on weekends, the harder it is to deal with another starting work week
to the point where I dread really enjoying a weekend.
that's fucked up. It's about time for a step forward

back before the gloss was taken off

fuck I still need a scanner
I haven't been posting or writing or drawing as much as usual because I've been trying to fucking finish some 42”x22” board which I referred to last post
it's just been pissing myself off in shifts pretty much over the last week when I get the time to.
I'll be happy with the end result but I can't say it'll have been worth the time and grief and wishing I was working on something else
It's discipline and I'm okay with that because that's what adults do. Nothing worth feeling any sense of pride over is achieved easily. Unfortunately
it's just "winging" something that could potentially look like shit and require a second go when you really have spent enough time already, nerve racking.
Anyways, one or two more hours and it's done. hopefully no more fuck ups and/or setbacks
I want to do something else

sleep is for the week

apologies for the lack of visual enthusiasm
I was pissing myself off via paint for three hours before I sat down to draw
I don't know what it is but irl tragedy charms the shit out of me
I've been trying to balance laziness paint and enjoying the weather while it's here
it shouldn't be as hard as it is. no matter what I'm doing I feel like I should be doing something else.
but I guess that's what happens when you set a self directed deadline, your hobby becomes less enjoyable when you don't give yourself the option of apathy
it's a taste of real life i guess
anyways after last weekend I have about eight dollars in the bank so I doubt I'll do much else with my time
one of these days I'm going to consider growing up instead of pretending to

andy scharf is a BA

Kenny Scharf: More,Newer,Better,Nower,Funner! from Levi's Film Workshop on Vimeo.

He's been making (documented) art since 1978, I hope I care that much about anything when I'm his age. I don't have anything of my own to post so that's mainly why it's there.
I've been reflecting I guess, and socializing kind of. I started a much needed RL painting today. feels good. My tablet's been making me lazy and it's handicapping my growth via myself not putting enough effort into the things I make with it. It's experience but still, I don't want to cheapen myself completely. Also a while ago I witnessed a popular artist blatantly rip off one of my favorite artist's earlier work, and completely get away with it. it kind of got me paranoid about my own integrity and work. People ate that shit up. And it's completely disheartening. I mean almost all art is a replication of other art. as is music, film, whatever. Originality is hard because everything is diluted with influence and to create something that's truly never been witnessed before is near impossible. Anyways, that'll always nag at me, but there's little to be done about it so all I can do is watch my own actions and make sure they don't compromise my principles. That's as close to a solution as I'm going to get.

I just went for a walk and it smells like bad nostalgia outside. It got me wondering why in retrospect shit smells like gold. I guess the human brain doesn't have the capacity to make you feel the pain you once did. Mental scars and muscle memory, but nothing physical; nothing you don't readily adapt to. it's all just bittersweet and childish reverence. Like anything else, much more appealing from afar. I'll probably in the future look back fondly at this moment in time right now. People just don't like being in their own shoes. It's stressful and uncertain, but you learn as time goes on that things will never be better than they are in your current situation (barring extreme circumstances). You'll never be as youthful, you'll have more serious responsibilities and definitely worse problems.
the wise choice is to soak it up
but the conscious choice to "soak it up" forces you to acknowledge the fact that things are getting worse by the day
.. which is actually pretty discouraging
and by this point you've long since ruled out reverting to blissful ignorance
shit what did I just do

teeth

I think I've found a mnemonic
a recurring muse in the only place i've learned to look without fail
that's a shame.