you're a rough draft

I started drawing up plans for a painting the other day and while deciding on a colorway, I realized that a smiling girl with "bravado" written in cum on her face is probably gonna be one of the ones that won't be received the way it's intended to. so right now since I'm bored I'm going to clear that up mostly for my own peace of mind.
for the record, I'm no sexist or chauvinist. weird rite? pieces like this or the one with the girl saying "bitches" over her face are meant to be sort of a social commentary i guess? on how humans in general, in or out of love, will treat each other and themselves to appear dominant over the opposite sex. and what emotional cop-outs people will commit to in attempt to justify their actions. when I write bitches I'm referring to a certain type of girl. not every girl, and probably not most girls. just as I refer to a certain type of guy as douche bag. I guess it's still prejudice on some level but I try not to generalize if I can avoid it. out of habit I'll use the term loosely in speech but to be fair I only mean it about 50% of the time.
but back on topic, i guess the resentment i feel towards people as a whole is largely influenced by this kind of behavioral form. some people feel damaged, used, so they take it out on people who don't deserve it. gives them a naive sense of power like they have life in a choke hold because they can inflict more pain than they feel. we've all seen it perpetuated. using yourself and others to gain your self-respect back because you opened up to the wrong person and now you're some kind of dump covered victim. it makes no sense. wiping a sour dirt taste out of your mouth with a soiled rag just makes you look like a mud hungry retard. and though the pursuit of happiness is grandiose I feel like people are just looking for depth in a kiddy pool because the pathway is less slippery. looking for clear and discernible ground in a puddle of child pee murked with impurities from candy and other stupid things kids eat. I'm no basis for the most level headed behavior but if I feel like someone I trust has slipped me laxatives I won't take a dump on the carseat of someone who trusts me. so I guess there you go. I have no qualms with affection or love, just the insincere confused behavior it leads people to on account of blind emotion dickwrestling all logic into submission . i guess some qualms. there's a bold line that shouldn't be crossed and everyone is jizzing over it because life is a series of hilarious accidents and you'll look tougher jizzing over a line with shades on than you will carrying yourself genuinely
in conclusion: idk i need new subject matter

survival of the shittest

the dictum of everything human and the idea that you aren't quite happy enough without a counterpart. The human condition is loneliness and we're forced into medicating with god's ugly puzzle piece. you're sedated because you're always cumming or approaching it or attempting to. Life's purpose is the reason we do drugs and settle and have retarded children. I've got my own vices but they aren't my every thought and my every concern and i'd rather commit to myself than another because the come down is less physically taxing. People are dependent on other people, much like a chemical dependency or a crutch. and much like any other crutch made of decaying material, it isn't reliable. It'll trip and take shits and need to lean on something just as badly as you do.
But it's loneliness and the inability to sleep alone or not constantly have the focus of an entire group of people that keeps us going. it's inbred. this retarded and demeaning mating dance I'm referring to is the only reason I'm here thinking about how fucking embarrassing the human cycle is right now. life continues and I'll probably shrug this feeling off eventually because I've got the same organs as everyone else. but maybe not.
I've been noticing that almost everything i make has been bred from self involvement or misogyny or the love of beer or some kind of crooked ideology. Not that melodrama in the medium is new. I've just never produced enough of anything in a short enough time to notice a pattern.
I guess my perspective's been clouded by a number of things, but everyone has their own personalized and fucked up thought process. it's not as if hanging out with a group of people who numb themselves and do their best not to care too much is going to do anything but perpetuate the notion that only these people exist. No dis, I love these people.
I just hope it doesn't get any more blatant than a vacant eyed girl with big red letters saying BITCHES over her face. transparency is an ugly thing
regardless I want to start assessing some life goals. the longer I put off making a decision about which direction to go the more my options taper. It's hard to get your foot in the door. or I guess it's hard to choose a door in a room full of nothing but stairs and doors. still. I've been in a better mood lately, believe it. forced to start eating better and drinking less due to my body falling apart from the inside. a little optimistic, but cautiously. All in all this year is looking the same as last year.
keep being you, world