In the past I don't know how long, I've been working on observing the human character, or i guess "condition". I've been pissed and distraught, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I had taken everything like a pansy, and made the choice to lose. I don't believe in(barring some extreme circumstances) anybody playing the victim at the hand of someone else. It's a crutch, made out of poop. Everyone has problems, and everybody knows this. A lot of the time we earn them, play into them, and deny it. I felt I had a much different way of dealing with mine than everyone else; it was a treadmill. So I decided to take the bench and watch the actual race. To get a better idea of the nuances, subtleties and idiosyncrasies that are oh so acceptable forms of social behavior. To accordingly plan my own actions. I started taking notes. And one of the first taken, was one of the more prominent: Transparency is ugly as hell.
This cool old guy named Jesus is quoted as saying something along the lines of (depending which version of the same book you're reading): "A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house."- Mark 6:4
Or for those of you that don't read books, "familiarity breeds contempt." It's more likely you've heard that one. It's a bit bleak, maybe extreme, but arguably the most true thing you've ever heard. We've all been told never to meet our idols for a reason; we don't want to know that they're human. To be human is to be faulty, predictable, and fragile. If I knew the process behind every piece of art or film I've ever loved I'd be depressed and disappointed.
I can assume you've experienced boredom and been devoid of lust or charm when growing familiar with someone you were at one point attracted to. I now find an incredible amount of worth in the fact that I scarcely gain more personal momentum than eye-contact with the people I find to be most appealing in passing. It is fulfilling, intimate, and the most elating severance you will ever experience. Every expectation out of this person was met through the brief exchange of two-second glance. There is nothing I find dreamier than a potential relationship I'll never have to experience. I make it my business to hang out where the dreamer and the realist hump(or make eye contact and keep walking) but I guess again bear in mind that this is coming from a dude taking mental notes on social manipulation
Attraction is observation, the things we gather from our very limited resources of the "first impression". This is almost always at least 80% aesthetic. If you're satisfied from the instance of a single glance, compare the odds that things will get better from here, to the odds that things between you and this person will not materialize and that your symmetrical, or a-symmetrical personalities will not accommodate each other. Again, not a defeatist attitude, this is a logical and viable practice that I will fight you over. I've seen some of my favorite minds resort to the lowest form of behavior as a result of the shortcomings of their own most prized and dependable affinities. Meanwhile I'm off somewhere having the best 2 seconds of my life. Who's the winner here? let's fight.
But this goes for all relations, even the frivolous, or the unfortunately necessary. Be a vigilant and secretly condescending asshole when you market yourself. Insecurities are hard to shrug off, but don't kid yourself. They're visible as long as they're there. For all the great things you have to say for yourself and about what you represent, It's clear why you're saying them instead of letting someone else.
It's not the diarrhea you're taking on the table that makes people interested in you, it's the diarrhea you have in your pocket. And the confidence you show keeping it there.
okay, bad analogy. It's the attractive new watch you're wearing that you don't need to tell anyone about because you know they'll take notice. Be aloof. If they don't notice, you need practice at getting cool watches. And this is almost a better position to be in, because you'll manage and control hard earned success much better than you'll manage the loose dump you took on the table. Curate your attributes wisely. Take notes. Practice. Keep your most valuable secrets, or have them stick out your cuff a bit by accident.
if you're wondering, the irony of the revealing nature of this post has not been lost on me. I hope in return the ever so slightly exaggerated bits aren't lost on you. I'm aware that I'm a caricature of a terrible person sometimes, but remember that inside of my actions and words and thoughts is a guy that keeps everybody close to him close to him because he'd be worthless without them. Don't let my endearing childish behavior fool you
NOW as I enter my twenty second year I leave you with this. I've fucked up a lot, but I'm constantly working on it, (swearsies). I don't meet the traditional standards of successful yet, but I know what I've got, and I've learned to take advantage of it. We all know the best part of any relationship/movie/story is never the end, but the arduous and whimsically retarded journey between that and the beginning. We've got a lot to learn, so here's to all the shit I'll have accomplished in the next 22 years, hopefully with all of you in close touch.
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