survival of the shittest

the dictum of everything human and the idea that you aren't quite happy enough without a counterpart. The human condition is loneliness and we're forced into medicating with god's ugly puzzle piece. you're sedated because you're always cumming or approaching it or attempting to. Life's purpose is the reason we do drugs and settle and have retarded children. I've got my own vices but they aren't my every thought and my every concern and i'd rather commit to myself than another because the come down is less physically taxing. People are dependent on other people, much like a chemical dependency or a crutch. and much like any other crutch made of decaying material, it isn't reliable. It'll trip and take shits and need to lean on something just as badly as you do.
But it's loneliness and the inability to sleep alone or not constantly have the focus of an entire group of people that keeps us going. it's inbred. this retarded and demeaning mating dance I'm referring to is the only reason I'm here thinking about how fucking embarrassing the human cycle is right now. life continues and I'll probably shrug this feeling off eventually because I've got the same organs as everyone else. but maybe not.
I've been noticing that almost everything i make has been bred from self involvement or misogyny or the love of beer or some kind of crooked ideology. Not that melodrama in the medium is new. I've just never produced enough of anything in a short enough time to notice a pattern.
I guess my perspective's been clouded by a number of things, but everyone has their own personalized and fucked up thought process. it's not as if hanging out with a group of people who numb themselves and do their best not to care too much is going to do anything but perpetuate the notion that only these people exist. No dis, I love these people.
I just hope it doesn't get any more blatant than a vacant eyed girl with big red letters saying BITCHES over her face. transparency is an ugly thing
regardless I want to start assessing some life goals. the longer I put off making a decision about which direction to go the more my options taper. It's hard to get your foot in the door. or I guess it's hard to choose a door in a room full of nothing but stairs and doors. still. I've been in a better mood lately, believe it. forced to start eating better and drinking less due to my body falling apart from the inside. a little optimistic, but cautiously. All in all this year is looking the same as last year.
keep being you, world